Excerpt from a post that somehow features more rambling than can be explained.
And mostly
What if
its all there:
The chance to smile brightly,
The chance to have an adventure,
The chance to feel new?
What if this place and the people in it all have hope in their eyes and kindness in their palms, and warmth in their words?
And when it all adds up, what if it amounts something indisputably beautiful?
What if the most terrifying part is that despite how much the past has hurt, this place, this time in front of me
has all the makings to yield some serene, wholesome, and sacred gift of summer? The kind that leaves rainwater on my eyelids, sunlight on my thighs, and sand in every corner of my life?
The tears the well up in my eyes aren't the same types of sad ones i've cried before. They are a measure of many lifetimes I've lived but never known my own love. Until now. And in them, there is a sense of surrender that i'm learning, but is new to me. It has a hopefulness. a forgiveness. and a freedom.
i am scared. and i'll admit it.
I am terrified of what's next. but maybe if I remind myself, everyday, that breathing is enough, that being scared is allowed, and this too shall pass.
Then perhaps I can get through the growing pains of finding happiness.
Sadness is hard to bear, and they've warned me against fear, and angst, and pessimism.
I know the pain of anger, and I know how to carry grief.
But what they never tell you is how terrifying just the prospect of happiness can be.
I guess i'll just breathe deeply, and take it day by day.
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